Date: Tuesday September 11th, 2018
I’m pretty excited…The website is just getting a few new additions…The Contest page is almost ready…ANYONE want to WIN $50.00 CAD or how about an iPad? Get ready to start playing various APOK games to win additional ballots.
Fighting the Devil on Your Shoulder!
After a complete do-over, it was finally time. APOK was ready to be sent to the publisher. With my finger hovering over the mouse and the cursor highlighting the send button, I started second guessing myself. Like a flood gate opening up, I was inundated with doubt. Were these the right people? Had I done enough homework? Taking a moment I had to calm my cop mind. Reflecting on the countless revisions, the endless hours and all the research, a moment of clarity was established, “If I didn’t trust them then who?” The longer I delayed I could feel cement solidifying around my feet preventing my work from reaching the world.
Taking a leap of faith, I clicked the mouse. Immediately my one hundred and thirty thousand word book transformed into a digital high speed train racing through fiber optic cable across the country. A weight was lifted off my shoulders.
Excitement really started to build. Part of the publishing package included an editor who read the entire manuscript and provides a response addressing the pros and cons. Does it flow, what’s working, what’s not and what needs to happen in order for the book to improve. Would my hard work pass the test of those in the industry?
Opening up the message from the publisher a lump filled my throat. Swallowing deep, I took a breath and started piecing together the message. I passed. Not only did I pass I kicked ass. The editor provided me with compliments and suggested a good copy edit to clean up grammar and spelling errors. Aside from that, I was told the story was great.
My immediate enthusiasm reaction was thwarted by my suspicious nature that crept into my conscious thought and quietly forced me to question the assessment of my book. “Were they being honest, or was this lip service because I paid for it.” It’s hard to silence the self-doubt, especially after working with the first editor who ripped apart everything I did. I had to be confident that my story had grown leaps and bounds.
Deliberating for a moment, I reminded myself of the steps that I had taken to get where I was now and the positive feedback along the way. Remembering all the work, all the time, all the pain, I recognized that through these trials that I built a strong story. Snapping myself out of a mental downer mindset, I sat a little taller knowing APOK was strong.
Setting the wheels in motion, I shipped the novel to the copy editor. Within a day, I received a comment suggesting that I seek a content editor as they saw a process flaw within the first chapter. It’s amazing how bipolar I can be. Reading the comment, I immediately reviewed chapter one and instead of being filled with self doubt, I was strengthened. I was mad that they would make such a comment in a fictional story. Politely I declined, and asked that they continue the copy editing.
That comment was actually exactly what I needed. Strange how someone gives me a compliment and I question their honesty and then someone else criticizes me and I question their ability. Through that short lived experience, it solidified my confidence in the story, a absolute must if I want to be successful. As I worked with them, I was impressed with their suggestions. Taking their advice I was able to tighten the remaining loose screws that were inadvertently missed. With each additional step, I knew that I was almost set to share APOK with the world.
Self-doubt! Self-doubt! Self-doubt!
Friend or Foe?
Is it a silent assassin that creeps into your mind and attempts to sabotage your wiring…or is it the toughest coach you’ve ever faced demanding excellence?
Since writing this story and exposing myself to numerous people, hearing their stories, this is the one constant in every profession, hobby or interest…self-doubt.
In order to win this battle it comes down to perspective…and having the right mind set.
You can take advantage of this or you can run from it…
This will be one of the toughest fights you’ll ever face, but it’s through those endless battles where you develop the courage and strength to carry on.
My suggestion, do your research and take advantage of this coach. You might be able to trick 99 percent of the world but you can’t trick yourself. Where possible seek an outside voice from someone you trust will give you an honest answer. Anything less and you’ve chosen to feed your ego comfort food, and when the tough times come, you won’t be ready.
Build your confidence through hard work and you’ll be able to silence the devil on your shoulder through reflection on where you’ve come from and knowing where you are.
Till next time, take care and keep fighting the good fight,